Friday, September 18, 2009

...and that's what I keep telling myself today but...


Mom, I'm not sure you ever did say that and I'm not sure you had days like this! You must've. Seven kids. Two boys. Five girls. You must've. And yet, I have this image in my mind of you as my mother and can't imagine that you have ever 1) wished it was bedtime three hours after your kids got up, 2) wondered why you have kids, 3) found yourself trying to stay a step ahead of them and ending three or four behind them, and 4) felt like everyone else loves and adores their kids, shouldn't I feel the same toward mine? Okay, maybe I can see any mom feeling one or two of these things (my own included), but to feel all four at the same time? It sure is exhausting.

I realize mothers excel at different aspects of mothering. For example, I have a friend who hates the newborn stage and really loves working with her preschool age children. I know that for me, I shine in those early months. I love, love, love the newborn stage through about age two. It works for me. It feeds my soul. I feel connected, loving, and adoring of my babies. How can I stretch that further?

And as I'm typing I lift my head to take stock of the situation and have found that my youngest is asleep in bed, my three year old has fallen asleep sprawled across two dining room chairs, and my oldest two are cleaning in their room.

I'll forget for now that I was just yelling back to them a moment ago to stop yelling at each other...and I'll forget for now that they're actually cleaning because they've been told they must if they want to play the Wii. And I'll also forget (for a minute or two) that the babe is now crying.

Someday, will I look back and smile? Will I feel like I did it well? Will I miss this? Everyone who has been there says I will. Usually I can see why. Today I don't see why. But in an effort to remember how I really feel toward my babies and find the silver lining, I'll include some pictures I took yesterday that are still making me smile today.

Well, scratch that. I can't find the adapter for my mini SD card! These aren't as pretty, but here's a bouquet of flowers the cashier at Trader Joe's gave me as a welcome to California/Trader Joe's gift! (Incidentally, I love Trader Joe's! I had never been to one before we moved here.)

Here's to the rest of my day! I'm hoping to make it look something like these beautiful flowers. I think I'll start by tickling the ivories while two kiddos sleep and two kiddos are "plugged in".


  1. TanuvasaCasa said...
    I don't know if your mom ever felt that way, but I can promise you that I have!!!
    Lisa said...
    I've definitely felt that way, and I only have ONE! And he's only 18 months!! I think you're a rock star for finding a silver lining at all :)
    Heidi said...
    Oh, hang in there... you're doing an amazing job. :) Really, really, I know some days it feels like drowning - what's the phrase, being pecked to death by ducklings? But you have a gift of seeing the bigger picture and embracing the madness and beauty of the journey even amidst the chaos. You inspire us all.
    Jean said...
    Awww, you're right!! Sounds like one of those days. I hope it improved for you by the evening!! :-D You are SO together, Abby. I totally get why you have four happy girls who adore you. You are awesome!!!
    Rae said...
    Oh, Abby, I love you! I love this post, with all its honesty and vulnerability and hope. It makes me feel sooooo much better....and I'm so proud of you.

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